Cousins

A couple of weekends ago, my cousin came to visit. Josiah has so much fun with her, and we always miss her when she leaves! Here are a couple of pictures:





Last weekend, my sister and her family came to visit. I took a few pictures of the boys because they were so sweet together!



On Saturday, we went to a kids indoor park and they went on a couple of rides with their dads. Here are they waiting to get on the airplanes:




There is less than a year in age between them, and I found that they enjoyed each other more this time than any other. Wesley is talking a lot now, and he walks around and says hi to everyone...a lot! He yelled, "Hi, Siah," so many times, and Josiah thought it was funny. He's still talking about it!





It is always hard to say good-bye when family leave because we're never quite sure when we'll see them again. And I'm sure weekends away are only about to get harder as our family becomes four in another three months. I just hope that these guys can be half as close as I am to my special cousin, despite the distance!

This week we said good-bye to my grandmother (the very last grandparent on my side of the family). We traveled to NS to be with family and remember some of the good times. She was just a few months shy of her 90th birthday. Although she will be missed, I know that we are at peace because she is no longer suffering and has finally gone to her perfect home. I couldn't help remember some of the last words I heard my grandfather say when he left us fifteen years ago. He looked very excited and said that he was going home to be with Jesus. Now, she is there too. It is sad for us here, but I am happy when I think about her now.

In the past two weeks, I have...

...loved the warmer weather!

...been pleased to hear Josiah ask to use a public toilet (this has been a major roadblock to potty training).

...felt the need to have some fun (haven't made this happen yet).

...enjoyed a visit with my cousin.

...missed church and connecting.

...been doing Thomas the Train puzzles everyday (thanks, Debie!).

...had lots of pain. I had a condition in my last pregnancy that caused me a lot of pelvic pain. It has returned (earlier than last time) and with a vengeance. I think this is the most painful thing I have ever had to go through. It is made worse by moving, so you can imagine how many times a day I have to move. When I am not moving, it is just a dull and achy pain all the time.

...had a meeting with an anethesiologist at the hospital to finalize some of the details in my birth plan. This included an allergy test to see if I would react to any of the drugs they might use (as there was a suspected allergy before), but the tests came back negative. This means I will be able to get a normal epidural for my C-section. The one I had last time left me frozen for almost 24 hours!

...felt blessed to be helped by someone who gave her time even though she is struggling and in pain.

...felt sad for some people around me who are facing loss.

...been trying to organize and sort toys.

...been longing for a new wardrobe, although not planning to do any shopping in the near future!

...shopped for a take-home outfit for the new baby with no luck yet.

...wondered about some of the changes coming in the next few months.

...questioned some of the parenting and discipline philosophies I have encountered recently. Sometimes things seem great on paper, but they don't always always work. I feel frustrated when I try 'the right way' and it doesn't work on my child.

...enjoyed hearing Josiah sing lots of different songs and recite favorite stories.

...made pumpkin muffins.

...done a lot of laundry and can't seem to make a dent in the housework, and am still trying to be okay with this ongoing mess. My brain throws open the windows and cleans this place spotless every day. Too bad nobody else can see it!

Hillsong - At the Cross - With Subtitles/Lyrics

This is not a new song, but one that I have loved and continue to be drawn to. It reminds me that the One who searches and knows me is also the One who loves me.

Probably not unlike most, I have not known unconditional love in many places. There are some relationships that I struggle with even today because I feel that I have to be a certain way to receive love or approval. Some I continue to seek, knowing that I will never really be accepted for me. The relationship is based more on what I do or appearances rather than who I am.

Since this is what I have always known, I think that life over the past few years has been difficult for me to deal with. I have failed. My body has failed. I am not what I thought I would be. I'm not what others thought I would be. And I am angry that I am still surprised by this when I feel it.

What amazes me is that God knows all of this, and He still loves me through every season. Because of what Jesus has done, it doesn't matter that I fall desperately short. He sacrificed His life knowing how much I would mess up and how much I would need Him. Today, I don't feel like enough, but I am enough for Him and He is more than enough for me.

Romans 8:38-39
"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." (NLT)

I thought I'd include a few pictures from the last couple of weeks since I haven't added any new ones for a while.

Josiah fell/dove into the tub, clothes and all, while I was getting things ready for his bath (The worst part of this picture is that there was a lovely #2 waiting in his diaper. Really, don't give this too much thought!):



Hanging out with Bo:





Playing in the snow (although most of it is gone now after the mild weather we've had this past week!):





Josiah has gotten very tall these past few weeks...no more booster seat:



Hanging out with my mom and my aunt (They stayed with Josiah last weekend so we could have a rest. They also sorted out all of my baby stuff, did laundry, and organized the closet- a huge job that I was dreading. I think I could bring the baby home tomorrow and feel good about what is done!):



Here are a couple of shots from our time away (We stayed at the same hotel/resort where we were engaged eleven years ago this month):





Chris took this picture of the birds on top of our gazebo frame. I love it!



Sleeping has been interesting (The time change has been great for the mornings- sleeping in until past seven- but terrible for napping. I think I need to be more deliberate about waking him up from naps. This is a picture of Josiah after I attempted to wake him up from a sleep...not impressed!):



Speaking of unpleasant wake-ups...Josiah can't stand to see anyone napping. Here is one of his attempts at being ever so quiet so Chris could sleep:



And that's a bit of us lately!

The Second One

I've been thinking a lot about our second baby lately, as I have sixteen weeks left to go before he/she arrives (at the most). Although I am really looking forward to meeting this little one, and to not being pregnant anymore, I have been wondering how our family will change.

It made me sad today when I realized that most of the special things Josiah and I do together will come to an end. Not that I can't plan special outings for just the two of us, but I know that it will look much different than the time we have now.

I am wondering how he will handle the change. In many ways, I know it will be good for him, but I am concerned about how the transition will affect him.

Although I always hated (and still do) hearing people say, "Enjoy your sleep now while you still can," it has occurred to me that we are in for some drastic schedule changes. Being in my thirties, I don't do nearly as well now as I used to without sleep. Even if the baby is a good sleeper, there are usually a few weeks of several night feedings (or like in Josiah's case where he had nights and days mixed up, so he was awake all night long as a newborn).

When I think about trying to take a toddler and a newborn to the grocery store, or a doctor's office, I cringe! I don't know how people do it! I'm sure I'll figure it out when we get there.

I try not to worry or think about the details too much, and am so thankful for this new life. Just working through some worries (and hormones!).

Lately,

I have been...

...experiencing the urge to nest and get things ready for the new baby.

...getting away (Last weekend, Josiah's Grammie and Grampie kept him so Chris and I could escape for a night. It was so nice to relax and not be on a fixed schedule!).

...enjoying Josiah's stories, and just listening to him talk. He is so full of life, and very animated! He tells us lots of details about his experiences, which I am happy about. (When he was with his grandparents, he went to their church. This is how he described it: "I went to Grammie and Grampie's church. There were balloons! It was a birthday party...my birthday party? (It was actually a baptism service!). There were muffins and Grammie gave me one, but she did not have one. Then Grammie talked to all of the people and gave hugs. I played with the toys and the people..."

...working on potty training, still! We took a little break, but Josiah initiated it again this week. He is doing really well, but I think this will be a long journey (at least until the weather gets warmer or we start staying home more).

...learning more about myself and relationships, the good and the bad.

...listening to lots of Beth Moore sermons online.

...reading a novel, "Secret Daughter." It is an easy read, which I need right now for those late nights when I am at the end. Although the topics are quite difficult!

...feeling happy about something that I'm not allowed to share!

...tired. My heart symptoms have intensified a bit in the last couple of weeks, which have left me feeling especially drained.

...dealing with colds at our house...all of us at the same time. Thankfully we are at the end!

...feeling hopeful.

...playing with Thomas trains, a lot!

...going to appointments, although they have slowed down a bit. The last one was this past Tuesday, and everything with the baby still looks great. I love hearing that little heartbeat! They feel it would be best to do another C-section, so I am trying to prepare myself for that. It was so horrible last time, but at least this time I'll know what to expect and what I can request to make things a little easier. So far, I am not feeling the devastating disappointment that I did last time of not being able to give birth naturally. After everything we have been through, I am thankful for the possibility of giving birth to two beautiful and healthy babies, regardless of how they have to come out.

...looking forward to plans with friends. I love it when I make myself get out of the house even when I don't feel like it. When I am pregnant, I don't tend to do this enough.

...wanting to decorate something, but knowing that I should save the money for the months to come!

...trying to remember what our yard looks like without snow!