On days like today, I wish that...

...I had a little more energy, and patience!

...I had a cleaning service!

...putting on my socks did not look so hysterical to my kid (the baby belly is starting to interfere with life!).

...I knew how to play with my toddler so I wouldn't be bored with his desire for repetition.

...I could hire someone to potty train my kid. I never knew how much work this could be, and feel more frustrated when I hear people talking about how easy it was for them!

...I had more space.

...I could go shopping without a two-year-old (disastrous morning at the grocery store!).

...I could find splash pants and rubber boots for my kid that didn't leak (and were self-cleaning!).

...I knew why Josiah was falling all the time lately. It's hard to be genuinely sympathetic after several dozen times in one day.

...I was done with student loans so I never had to deal with their office again. Talking with them and trying to sort out details is much more stressful than the money I owe each month!

...I could do something to help a friend who is going through a very difficult situation.

...I could do more in general for people. I think these last few months have not only taken a toll on my physical heart but on my spirit as well. I love to offer help when I can, but I feel so helpless myself these days that not many extras are getting done.

...I could fast forward to September!

...Josiah would nap, even just for a few minutes. He is definitely eliminating his nap, so we are transitioning to quiet time. This is not as restful (or long) for me as napping was! I was hoping he would make it until after the baby was born, but it's not looking that way.

...I could look better than I do when my husband comes home from work, after spending a day at war with my toddler!

...I could be more thankful and appreciative for what I have and where I'm at. And that I wasn't wishing for days like today to end so quickly!

Someday

I have recently been challenged again by II Corinthians 5:6-10. I find it difficult to live a life that is pleasing to the Lord regardless of my circumstances. I have found it easy to be discouraged about many things over the years. Some I have chosen, and some have been chosen for me by others...but it really doesn't matter. What matters is that my heart stays focused on the things that are to come, and that I remember how my life will be evaluated when it is done.

Recently, I have finished reading a book by Sheila Walsh (Beautiful Things Happen When a Woman Trusts God). She addresses this very thing, and I love how she puts it:

"For some of us who have trusted Christ as Savior, but lived for ourselves, our life's work will burn up at our feet, and there will be nothing left. We will enter heaven but have nothing to place into the nail-pierced hands of Christ. For others...the fire will reveal gold and silver and precious stones. They will be placed into a crown and those who are given that crown will have the unspeakable joy of laying it at the feet of Jesus..." (p. 227)

I can't imagine having much to offer Jesus, but I love the thought of this picture more than anything on this earth. I am hoping and praying that I can remember this through my current struggles, and the many more that may come my way before my time is up! I'm not sure why I am writing about this, but just felt that a reader somewhere needed to be encouraged by this as much as I have lately.

Psalm 103

When I was a kid, I went to 2 private Christian schools. One was amazing...the other was not so much. One of the teachers/pastors there thought it would be helpful to threaten us into good behavior quite frequently. Actually, most of them did so. I was a kid who was already so desperately trying to follow the rules, and already scared enough. I remember this teacher telling us on many occasions that God had a video camera, and that he kept track of everything we did wrong. On judgement day, He would pull out all of the tapes, and play them in front of everyone. The major problem with his story is that he had not included any grace or forgiveness element. What a hopeless message.

I literally felt for years, that no matter how much I confessed, my tape would still be played. I still need to consciously remind myself that this is not the case for someone who is forgiven. What detriment that man caused to so many young people back then. As I parent now, I am trying to learn how to show God's grace along with teaching and discipline. This is not an easy balance, and one that is sure to grow more difficult with age (both mine and Josiah's!).

This passage is a constant reminder to me:

"He has not dealt with us according to our sins, or rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His loving kindness toward those who fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him...(Psalm 103:10-13).

"As far as the east is from the west"...I love that!