Why is it that some days seem so easy, and others are like a sand-storm? Yesterday was fun. I was home with the boys all day, Chris worked late, but it all went fairly smoothly. It's not that everything was perfect, but it was one of those days that felt enjoyable for everyone.

Here are the boys playing shadow games with a little craft we did for Groundhog Day:

Maybe I needed yesterday to get through days like today. I was at a friend's place this morning, and it was disastrous! Josiah fought over every toy, yelled at the kids, was rude and impatient and intolerable. The entire visit was spent putting out fires, and I left wondering why I bothered, or why I ever feel like it is a good idea to try and leave the house with these kids!

I don't really know how to navigate him through all of this. I want him to learn to share and play with others well, but I can only teach and model and discipline and repeat, and hope he eventually gets it. I think I worry that it will take him not having any friends before he understands. I am thankful that kids are forgiving for the most part! I wish I could forgive as easily. Sometimes I struggle with resenting these behaviours too. If it were easier, I would take him out more or make plans with friends more. I am embarrassed, and although I know it's not entirely true, I feel like it reflects my parenting. And those with easier kids and judgemental glances and comments do not make it any easier.

I think being tired does not help anything either. On top of dealing with fatigue due to my heart condition, I have not been sleeping well at all.

This is part of the problem:

I know, how could something so cute be a problem?! Well, he has taken over my room and my bed. He has not been sleeping great in his crib, so we have been bringing him into our room to avoid both boys screaming for half the night in a shared room. He has also been getting up to eat in the middle of the night for a while again. So what sleep I do get these days is shallow and interrupted. Being tired does not make for a good day at home.

I was talking with a friend about the verse, "Be still and know that I am God"- Psalm 46:10- and she reminded me that God said this in the midst of chaos and craziness. I guess He knew the parts of my life that would fall apart before I ever saw them. He knew of the things that would shatter and pull from every side. He knew all the ways I would fail and be failed each day. He knew the hopelessness and drudgery and chaos. He knew of the small blessings and joy, the ones I see so much more clearly when I pause for a minute to feel His peace.